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100:00:04,269 --> 00:00:06,270
- Contagious.
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00:00:06,272 --> 00:00:08,339
- We must contain
this pandemic.
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00:00:08,341 --> 00:00:09,573
- [coughing, retching]
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00:00:09,575 --> 00:00:11,942
- Contagious.
- Contagious.
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00:00:11,944 --> 00:00:13,244
- Contagious.
- Contagious.
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- Contagious.
- Contagious.
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- [crying]
<i>- Contagious.</i>
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<i>[soft piano music]</i>
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00:00:19,085 --> 00:00:24,355
<i>♪</i> ♪
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- Everyone stay back!
Stay back, damn you!
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[door slams shut]
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Excuse me, sir,
but I'm afraid we must
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quarantine the downstairs.
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00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:38,035
We're having a tiny
outbreak situation.
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00:00:38,037 --> 00:00:41,906
The cook and staff have
"beshitted" most of the kitchen.
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- Oh, those poor people!
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- You mean,
"Oh, those<i> poor</i> people."
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I'm telling you, Daddy,
it's high time
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00:00:47,113 --> 00:00:48,979
we got one of those
modern, new flamethrowers
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00:00:48,981 --> 00:00:51,215
and burnt that
whole downstairs to a crisp.
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Maybe then they can make
a crème brûlée
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that doesn't taste like snot!
[dish shatters]
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- How can you think
about dessert
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at a time like this?
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- I just finished my entree,
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what else am I
supposed to think about?
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- Well, as a proud "Grey Lady"
of the Red Cross
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00:01:03,696 --> 00:01:06,664
Volunteers Corp,
I'll be going downstairs
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to save those poor souls.
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00:01:08,167 --> 00:01:09,700
- Well, the only thing
I'm interested in saving
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is the family fortune
and my rear virginity--
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for second marriage.
[giggles]
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- That's my baby girl.
[clears throat]
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Peepers, whatever we do,
lets do it quietly.
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- I'm afraid the Lookie-Loos
already sniffing about.
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- The newspaper's here?
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<i>[upbeat string music]</i>
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Well, then, lets save these
poor souls in their final hours!
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- The last thing those poor
people need
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is you, Lillian!
- No, I'm going to do that.
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The last thing they need
is you!
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- Your disease is more
rampant than theirs is!
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I am certified to deal with it!
- I'm winning.
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<i>- ♪ I want the money,</i>
<i>I want the fame ♪</i>
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<i>♪ I want the whole world</i>
<i>to know my name ♪</i>
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<i>♪ This is mine,</i>
<i>I got to get it ♪</i>
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00:01:46,739 --> 00:01:49,707
<i>♪ I got to get it,</i>
<i>got, got to get it ♪</i>
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00:01:49,709 --> 00:01:51,609
<i>♪ "Another Period" ♪</i>
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00:01:55,113 --> 00:01:58,649
[crickets chirping]
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00:02:02,420 --> 00:02:03,787
- How are you sleeping?
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00:02:03,789 --> 00:02:05,522
[both scream]
- Kill him first!
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- Identify yourself,
state your price
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00:02:06,826 --> 00:02:09,460
and then write to my father
and ask him for that price!
54
00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:11,996
- Frederick, it's me.
55
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- [gasps]
Oh, hello, Beatrice.
56
00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:17,001
I was just having
the most delicious dream
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about a bear
with human hands.
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- [scoffs] What the hell
are you doing here?
59
00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:22,673
- Well, I wanted to tell you
the good news.
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00:02:22,675 --> 00:02:25,876
Father set me up with a suitor
and I think I like him.
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- You travelled 12 hours
by train,
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broke into our house,
into our room,
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and all that just to say
you met someone?
64
00:02:32,418 --> 00:02:33,484
- No, that's ridiculous.
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00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:35,719
We travelled by carriage
and it took two weeks.
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00:02:35,721 --> 00:02:38,989
Anyway, his name is Dick
and he's the president
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of the Pinta Yacht Club.
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00:02:39,925 --> 00:02:41,725
- He's the president?
- Mm-hmm.
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00:02:41,727 --> 00:02:43,394
- Darn it,
I'm only the vice president.
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00:02:43,396 --> 00:02:45,763
- You're vice president
of the United States.
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00:02:45,765 --> 00:02:47,164
- You don't have
to rub it in my face.
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00:02:47,166 --> 00:02:49,967
- All right, enough, Beatrice,
it's time for you to leave.
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00:02:49,969 --> 00:02:52,069
Freddie has got
a country to run.
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00:02:52,071 --> 00:02:53,370
- Ohh, okay.
Bye, Beatrice.
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- Well, can't wait to meet
your new friend.
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00:02:56,108 --> 00:02:58,876
Now, ta-ta.
- You mean it, Celery?
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00:02:58,878 --> 00:03:01,945
A double date?
- Uh, not--not really.
78
00:03:01,947 --> 00:03:02,913
- We can do it tonight!
79
00:03:02,915 --> 00:03:04,581
I'm at the hotel
across from the penis monument.
80
00:03:04,583 --> 00:03:06,884
- Oh, Beatrice,
I made a similar mistake.
81
00:03:06,886 --> 00:03:09,953
It's actually called
the Washington Penis.
82
00:03:09,955 --> 00:03:11,822
- Oh, okay.
Celery...
83
00:03:11,824 --> 00:03:13,957
you're the best sister
in the world!
84
00:03:13,959 --> 00:03:15,826
- Okay. Oh, no.
Oh--ohh.
85
00:03:15,828 --> 00:03:17,895
- I'll see you tonight.
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00:03:17,897 --> 00:03:19,396
Bye, Freddie.
87
00:03:19,398 --> 00:03:23,434
- Did she say you were
officially sisters now?
88
00:03:23,436 --> 00:03:25,469
<i>[gloomy music]</i>
89
00:03:25,471 --> 00:03:27,071
- [coughing]
90
00:03:27,073 --> 00:03:29,907
<i>♪</i> ♪
91
00:03:29,909 --> 00:03:32,943
- May God bless you
and keep you, my child.
92
00:03:32,945 --> 00:03:35,079
- Heiress coming through.
[laughs]
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00:03:35,081 --> 00:03:36,847
Oh, if it isn't
Brussels Sheridan
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00:03:36,849 --> 00:03:38,816
of the Lookie-Loos
Society Pages.
95
00:03:38,818 --> 00:03:40,617
- If it isn't
Lillian Bellacourt.
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00:03:40,619 --> 00:03:43,587
- Would you like to get
a few photographic stills of me?
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00:03:43,589 --> 00:03:44,755
I could grab one of these
near dead
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00:03:44,757 --> 00:03:46,423
in the better lighting.
- Oh, yes!
99
00:03:46,425 --> 00:03:47,958
- Excuse me,
we're taking a picture!
100
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:50,160
[pounds on glass]
Lady of the house speaking.
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