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Hey, guys. Tonight is the Purge...
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and I want all
of my white friends to be safe.
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Rules of the Purge. You have 12 hours...
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to do any crime you want
against anyone you want.
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You can shoot, kill, stab.
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Twelve hours of death, mayhem.
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Lock your doors. Protect yourself.
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Make sure your rent is paid...
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and all of your pets are put up.
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But the most important rule of all...
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stay tight, stay white...
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and this is only gonna last one night.
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Let the games begin.
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All right, I wasn't gonna do this,
but forget it.
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Here goes nothing.
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This is a story
about the worst day of my life.
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Well, one of them.
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See, I was wiring shit,
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car stereos, alarms, you name it.
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Don't Hate Wiring, that's my company.
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And that's me, Carl Black.
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You see this ugly cat right here?
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That's Key Flo, a big-time drug dealer.
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One day while working on his alarm...
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Key Flo got busted.
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They took his ass far away.
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What they didn't know was in his house
was a lot of money.
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So I took it as a payment
for all the work I did.
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With a payday like this...
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it was time to move.
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Well, I did owe a few people
in Chicago a few things...
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but no one's tripping.
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So I loaded up the family
and got the hell out of Chicago.
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Leaving Chicago before the Purge...
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was the greatest thing I ever done.
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I met this cool dude on the Internet...
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who helped us qualify
for this big-ass house in Beverly Hills.
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I might've falsified a few things...
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but, hey, this is for my family.
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Those are my kids.
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My son Carl Jr. thinks he's a damn vampire.
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Think again, buddy.
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And this dummy with this do-rag?
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That's my little cousin Cronut.
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He went to jail for some parking tickets...
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and now he think he's a gangster.
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Ride my mustache.
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That's my beautiful wife.
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Did I mention
the greatest thing about my move?
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Rich people don't purge.
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Getting the hell out of Chicago...
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was the best thing ever.
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Well, here's how the worst day started.
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Hey, come on, man!
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Hey, how you doing, sir?
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- You lost?
- I beg your pardon?
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Man, you gotta be. Check this out.
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Go right down here, make a U-turn...
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then you can pull right out,
and you'll get back...
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to wherever it is you need to get to.
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- I live here.
- No. No, I'm serious, man.
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I live right there at Cherry Blossom.
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- I'm Carl Black.
- Black?
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You said Carl Black?
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I just moved from Chicago.
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Man, listen, I'm gonna be real with you, man.
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Don't no niggas live here, man.
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I'm the nigga that living here!
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I'm the new nigga
that living here, all right?
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Save me some trouble, man.
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We've been having all these break-ins
and the rappers dance, loud mus... rims.
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Come on, man. Look at you, man.
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You can't live here, man. Go on and make...
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Don't fucking try to play me like this!
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I live here! I'm fucking crazy!
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Look at my eye right here.
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- Forest Whitaker eye.
- Okay, you're right. I see.
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I found it. You're right.
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Carl Black. Right here. Carl Black.
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- You said I can go?
- My bad, man.
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Thank you, brother.
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Have a nice day, man. I'm sorry.
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- I'm sorry.
- Bitch.
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Please don't tell me
your ass is in California.
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Don't call my phone no more.
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You told me you were going to the store!
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- I'm married now.
- You're married?
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You keep blowing up...
Look, you pissing me off...
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to the highest of "pisstivity."
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"Pisstivity" ain't even a word, dumbass.
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Shoranda, I don't wanna
be over at your house...
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with all them kids over there
smelling like urine.
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I know you didn't
just say that about my kids.
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You bitch, nigga!
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Come out! Come to me!
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Everybody is gonna come in your house...
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they're gonna fuck you!
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I've traveled a long way to find you.
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Hey! Caesar!
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Don't try to play me.
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